Nursing- Let’s start here…
I want to share my personal story of how I became a nurse in hopes that it will inspire many to not give up on their dreams. If I can do it, then anybody can. And when I say that, I actually mean it! If you really want something, you will work your butt off to get it and do anything in your power to make it happen. There was in no way I was going to take no for an answer!
My mother is a pediatric nurse and ever since I can remember she has told me I would be a wonderful nurse. She was always encouraging me to choose that career path. There were many times that I told her no, I don’t want to do that or said I wasn’t smart enough to be a nurse. I think also as a teenager, I just wanted to do the opposite of what my mother was telling me to do lol
After graduating high school, I decided to go to Bemidji State University because my older brother was at school there. He was also on the track team there, as well as his girlfriend, Kristi, my now sister in law, whom he had been dating for many years. I grew up with her and she was like a sister to me so she convinced me to go to Bemidji as well and be on the track & field and cross country team.
Fast forward to spring semester of my freshman year… I had finally decided that nursing was what I was meant to do in life. I thought hard about it my first semester and prayed about it. I asked God many times to reveal to me what I was meant to do in life and what my purpose was. God brought it to my attention that I was supposed to help and care for others. What better way to do that, then to become a nurse? I couldn’t see myself doing anything else. This was my purpose in life. To help others. And it was a plus that Bemidji had a great nursing program.
But in a way, I was already behind in school not knowing what I wanted to do right away. There were classes I needed to take still in order to get into the nursing program and time was up! At Bemidji, you had to apply fall semester of your sophomore year and would start the program spring semester. You could only apply once a year. I was almost at the end of my freshman year and I didn’t have all the classes completed or my CNA license which was required for acceptance into the program. So I had no choice but to fit these classes in during the summer.
Times have changed and college isn’t forced upon high schoolers as much any more. Looking back, I wish parents or teachers would have told us that we didn’t need to go to college if we didn’t know what we wanted to do in life. Instead they told us to go to college or ELSE!! And basically that it was okay to not know what you wanted to do and to just take generals your first year and then you can figure it out on your own time. They didn’t tell us that this would get you into so much debt and a student loan payment so incredibly high that you cannot afford and would be paying back until your 50s! But for nursing, you would have needed to know right away that’s what you wanted to do, to take the correct classes in order to get into the program at the correct time and to graduate in four years. Well, I was already behind.
I played catch up during the summer before my sophomore year and took the classes that I was missing and needed in order to get into the program in the fall. I also took my CNA class which was in person and also had to take the TEAs test which was required- as well as a good score on it. I worked at my family’s sod company as the secretary when I wasn’t in class so I was busy that summer.
I attempted to get into the nursing program that fall but was DENIED! I didn’t have a high enough GPA and my TEAs test score could have been higher. It sucked seeing that rejection letter, but I kept it as a reminder to work harder to get in the next year.
I ran track & field and cross country my sophomore year and took more general classes and also retook some classes that I didn’t get very good grades in the first time (the classes that the nursing faculty looked at and were required for the program) in hopes to get in the second time around. I ended up getting better grades in the classes that mattered and increased my GPA. I took the TEAs test again and got a better score, and I also got a CNA job during the school year at a locked dementia unit in Bemidji to get some experience. Lastly, I decided to quit the track & field and cross country team. I loved to run and it was very important to me but becoming a nurse was more important, and I needed to focus on just that. This was heartbreaking to me and I missed it so much but I still continued to run and workout in my free time.
I enclosed a letter with my application the second time stating what I had changed and why I wanted to be a nurse. I was going to do whatever it took to be a nurse, and I was never going to give up! I also had a back up plan to change schools if needed to try to get in spring semester somewhere else so I didn’t have to waste another year taking generals or random classes and spending money.
The time came to pick up our letters- either acceptance or denial. I knew that the denial letter was one piece of paper that stated you didn’t make it since I had gotten it the previous year. I also knew from friends the previous year that got accepted into the program; that if you got accepted, you had multiple pieces of paper in your envelope and your envelope was much thicker. I was handed my envelope and it felt THICK!!! Praise God! I had prayed and prayed over this and worked so hard to get in! I opened the letter and it said I was accepted into the program!!! Hallelujah! I placed the acceptance letter next to my denial letter to show myself what I had accomplished and to prove that I could do it!! This was the best day ever and I cried! I was so happy!!!
I started the nursing program spring semester of what was my actual junior year at Bemidji. I did good in classes for the most part but realized they weren’t kidding when they said it wasn’t easy.
I was good at hands on test outs but I had come to realize that I had terrible test anxiety and was not doing well on exams. I would study so hard for a test but once it came to taking that test in a room with a bunch of other students- I panicked.
First of all, I hated waiting outside of the testing room for the professor to come to open the door- there would be people quizzing each other or some going through flash cards. This always made me feel like I didn’t study enough or wasn’t smart enough. I think that’s when I first realized I had bad anxiety. I also couldn’t stand that I was being timed for my responses. If I knew the answer, I knew it. Why did I have to be timed and forced to answer in such a hurry?
I would find myself focused on other classmates finishing before me and leaving the room then I would panic and think I didn’t have enough time to finish. I would try and figure out how much time I had for each question to finish in time and I would be so focused on that and not actually taking the test. I would re-read each question over and over again and still didn’t know what it was asking me because I was so anxious. Then I’d end up picking any random answer that I thought might be correct and move on to the next question just so that I could be done in time and not be the last person in the classroom.
This ended up not working out well for me when it came to my Med/Surg class. We needed a C average on just test scores in order to pass each nursing class. And the nursing program standards for a C are different than what you are usually used to. I ended up not making that C average for the Med/Surg class and “failed” the class even though I had a B in it overall. This sucked. FAIL!! That was not the first time I would see that word when it came to nursing.
Since I “failed” a class, I had one chance to retake it and if I failed again then I was kicked out of the program. I had to retake the dreaded Med/Surg class but had to wait an ENTIRE YEAR until it was offered again! So I was ANOTHER year behind! Just great!
I had ended up going to see a counselor and got diagnosed with anxiety. I got on prescription medication for this and was also able to get some accomodations for my test anxiety. I was then able to take tests in a different location all alone, and I was also given extended time for my tests. This helped me tremendously, and I believe helped me pass nursing school. I was so thankful for these accommodations.
At first, I felt embarrassed to admit that I needed help and that I may have anxiety. I had always known that my brain worked a little differently but didn’t ever think it was something so bad that I needed help or needed medication or that it wasn’t normal and everybody didn’t think the same way as I did.
After deciding to talk with a counselor, it came apparent to me that I did have horrible test anxiety and social anxiety. I knew I needed to get some help since it was affecting my schoolwork and jeopardizing my nursing program status. And to this day, I am aware of it more now and am able to sense when it’s getting bad and what I need to do to help it and calm myself down.
Fast forward to May of 2015. I finally graduated from nursing school!!! I was so happy and proud of myself for what I had accomplished and couldn't believe that I had actually done it! After not getting in the first time, failing a class, putting myself 2 years behind, I had accomplished it! I have always doubted myself and how smart I am and graduating with a four year nursing degree made me feel so accomplished and like I could actually be a real nurse! The next step was to pass the hardest test I would ever take in my entire life. The NCLEX!
I studied all summer long for this. I signed up for a course through ATI to help me because of my test anxiety and self-doubt that I'm not smart enough. I took the test the first time in September of 2015. I failed! :( This was just another reassurance that I couldn't do it. I wasn't smart enough and I would never be a nurse.
It sucked seeing that terrible word... FAIL. It made me feel so bad about myself and it started to define me. I felt like a failure. Like I wasn't smart enough. But instead of continuing to think about how much of a failure I was, I signed up for the test again.
Fast forward to November of 2016.... I had taken the NCLEX 7 times!!!! SEVEN!! SEVEN!!! (I feel like Monica on Friends! Ha!) I had gone through so many struggles since I had graduated nursing school.
Since I didn't pass the first time, I faced financial struggles. My student loan payments started November of 2015. They were so unbelievably high and there was no way I was able to pay for them myself each month. I had some student loans through the government but majority was personal student loans through Wells Fargo because I did not qualify for more help from the government due to my parents’ income. So the personal loans were the ones I was struggling with to pay.
I struggled for months trying to get them consolidated, trying to explain my situation that I hadn't passed my test yet and tried to get on income based so that I could afford the payments each month. Wells Fargo was not very accommodating. I finally was able to get them straightened out and consolidated but the payment was still very high for me and there was no income based option.
Thankfully, I had a summer job working at my family sod company but that job was only seasonal. I struggled that winter trying to find a job that could help pay for my loans. I ended up working at subway for a few months. (I was willing to do whatever I needed to make some cash!) Hoping I could pass my test the next time I took it just so that I could get a nursing job and have enough money to pay for my loans.
I lived with my parents to save money. They helped me pay for my loans. My grandmother helped pay for some as well and was also my cosigner to consolidate. I was so thankful for their help! But at the same time, I just felt like more and more of a loser. I was 25, living with my parents, poor, had a four year nursing degree that I couldn't do anything with because I couldn't pass one stupid test!!
The NCLEX started to define me. Each time I opened my results just to see that word again, FAIL! It felt like a part of me was gone each time I saw this. I spent so much money taking this test, so much time studying. I took the Kaplan online class twice! Used their resources to study. My mom bought me books and CDs to help me study. I bought another online class through Pearson vue to help me study.
I was so hard on myself and almost just expected to fail each time. I started to get depressed. I didn't understand why this was happening to me. I witnessed everybody in my nursing class pass right away, and get jobs and start their careers. I even witnessed how the nursing class that graduated behind me passed their tests and started their careers.
It also didn’t help that after failing, there was no feedback on specifics of what you got wrong or really how to better study. You kind of had to figure that out on your own.
I used to remind myself through nursing school why I had put myself through these struggles. Why I chose such a hard degree. It was because I knew my purpose in life was to care for other people and help others. And that reminder helped me get through school. But because of all my financial struggles through this time, I started to lose that reminder and started thinking each time I took the test- that if I could just pass this time, then I could get a job and have enough money to pay my debt.
To top it all off, I had totaled my car in January of 2016, by sliding on black ice under a bridge and crashing into a concrete barrier. So I didnt even have a car to get to work and had to rely on my parents driving me each day or being able to borrow one of their cars. I thought I had hit rock bottom for sure. I doubted God and started to get angry and asked why this was happening to me. And started to question whether I should be a nurse or not.
Throughout this time of struggle, I started to realize how important timing is in life. I have the perfect example with my husband. I don’t know what I would do without him! He is everything to me and was such a great support system. I never would have thought that I could find somebody so perfect that could make me so happy, but in time, it happened. God’s plan is always the best plan! There was a reason for my struggles. I may not have known it at the time. Maybe I needed that extra time to grow in my faith, learn about myself, grow as a person. Maybe God was teaching me a lesson.
Even though I was so down on myself, I also picked myself up each time. I got back to studying, signed up for the test again right away so that I wouldn’t procrastinate, talked with family and friends about my struggles, and prayed about it. I continued to go to counseling for my anxiety.
I grew closer to God through this time and I couldn't have done it without him. My aunt, also has a big part in this. She led me to a woman's bible study that I feel changed my life. I started doing this bible study called, In The Wait. It helped me to grow closer to God through this time of waiting to pass my test and start my career.
I am writing this to prove that there is hope. And to NEVER EVER give up on your dreams!
I am happy to say that the 7th times a charm and I had finally passed the NCLEX!!!! I was FINALLY a nurse! I was way more proud of myself on that day than when I got into the nursing program and even more than when I graduated from nursing school. I could finally start my career and fulfill my purpose in life to help others. I was so proud of myself that I didn't give up!
I had such a wonderful support system of so many family and friends that helped me through that time of waiting. I don’t know what I would have done without all of them and I thanked them all so much for being there for me, listening to my struggles, and praying for me.
But more than anything I have God on my side. I couldn't have done it without him! He has given me strength and taken my anxiety, stress, self-doubt away. I owe everything to Him!
To my fellow nursing friends: whether you are still in school, trying to pass your NCLEX, have failed many times.... don't give up! There is hope! It will happen! You WILL pass! You WILL graduate and walk across that stage. You WILL pass that dreaded Med/Surg class. And it will all happen in the right time when it is meant to happen! So keep working towards it and stay positive!
The most helpful study tools to me was the Kaplan online class that I took and doing practice questions daily on an app on my phone. I will add links for those below.
Kaplan had a nursing professor running the course and you had to sign in every day and do practice quizzes and questions. And you also had a lecture time in which the professor would talk about specifically how the test worked. Kaplan helped me understand what the questions were asking and just how to navigate the questions in order to narrow it down to one answer. It helped me just know how the test worked and helped me not be so afraid of it. Best money ever spent! So I would definitely recommend Kaplan to anybody who is studying for the NCLEX!
FAILURE no longer defined me! I have a better word.... PERSEVERANCE! This word meant so much to me back in 2016 and it means so much more to me even today in other areas of my life as well which I will share in other posts.
After passing the NCLEX, I got a job as a float nurse at a hospital downtown. I ended up only working there for a brief time- it was a lot being a float nurse as a new nurse and it was too far away from home. I was spending too much time in the car and was not happy so I applied a care center that my friend worked at! We had graduated nursing school together. I got the job there and have been there ever since! It will be 6 years this coming July! I love taking care of the elderly and giving them the best last days of their lives. It really puts life into perspective. Nursing is such a rewarding job and I am so glad I never gave up because then I wouldn’t be where I am at today.
I also just want to say, feel free to reach out to me through my email or social links (Instagram or Facebook) if you are struggling with passing the NCLEX or just need somebody to talk to. Or even just some advice from somebody that has been there and knows what you are going through! I am always here to help and am always more than willing!
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"Blessed is the one who PERSEVERES under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him"
James 1:12
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LINKS:
-Kaplan: Kaplan Online Courses
-Nursing app I used for practice questions: NCLEX RN Mastery
-Bible study: In The Wait Bible Study